To smoke or not to smoke... Part 2

There is an absolute freedom you feel when you do something “forbidden”... My whole body and all the muscles available were tensed since thinking of smoking and then suddenly you find yourself with a cigarette in hand... and you absolutely relax...

Deep in the knowledge that what you are doing is wrong and you just shouldn’t. The guilt being quite overwhelming and several thoughts going through your head, how you now have a responsibility to keep healthy, how I need to be able to kiss my child without the stink of cigarettes hanging over me afterwards...

But still, regardless of all the thoughts and the guilt, it just didn’t take away from those few minutes of feeling yourself again, with no restrictions... Relaxing, sitting back and enjoying it...

And  soon after, the moment is gone and you are just left with the knowledge that after 10 months of effort, you are back at point zero... You just didn’t make it... not strong enough... not willing it enough...

I am only human... nowhere near perfect.... but I am giving it a good go!

Spare me please... I only had a slim line Silk Cut! As near to fresh air as it gets for cigarette standards anyway...

Blame me, judge me and then point the finger to yourselves as well. Do you not have a soft spot? Something you can’t get away from, regardless how much you try?

Maybe I will do it again, maybe not.. I assume the guilt won’t be as strong the 2^nd time around if I do.

Είναι τόσο ωραίο το άτιμο....